Category: Wellbeing

The Wisdom of Emotions

11 March 2025
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This blog is about: 

  • Emotional Intelligence 
  • Survival mechanism – fight or flight mode 
  • Unconcious patterns 
  • Conscious control 
  • Blending psychology and spirituality  
  • Neither suppression or indulgence 
  • Meditation, therapy and embodied awareness 
  • Deeper understanding 
  • Acceptance and transformation

Emotions are at the very core of human existence. They inform our decisions, shape our relationships, and profoundly influence how we navigate the world. Yet, despite their central role, emotions often remain misunderstood—a chaotic blend of unconscious reactions that can lead to unnecessary suffering. For decades, I have worked as a yoga teacher and psychologist, blending spiritual insights with psychological understanding to uncover the transformative potential hidden within emotions. This article explores what emotions are, how they work, and how we can master them to cultivate deeper awareness, intimacy, and freedom. 

What Are Emotions? 

At their essence, emotions are mechanisms designed to help us adapt to life’s challenges. The Zurich University department of Psychology, one of whose specialties is the study of emotions, defines them as “preparations for action.” Emotions prepare our minds and bodies to respond to various situations. For example, fear alerts us to potential dangers, triggering the fight-or-flight response to keep us safe. Anger motivates us to confront injustices and assert boundaries, while sadness reflects our capacity to love and connect deeply. 

Interestingly, emotions do not always arise from objective reality; rather, they often stem from our perceptions of situations. Imagine a hunter-gatherer sleeping alone in a forest, their anxiety keeping them vigilant against predators. This response was essential for survival. Yet, in today’s world, that same instinct may manifest as sleeplessness over trivial worries, such as meeting deadlines and what people think about us. This mismatch between ancient emotional responses and modern triggers can cause unnecessary stress and suffering. 

The Problem of Unconscious Emotional Responses 

For most people, emotional responses are automatic, unconscious, and often maladaptive. Take anger, for example. While it might arise naturally in a crisis, societal norms frequently discourage its open expression. As a result, many suppress their anger, which does not simply vanish but instead festers, manifesting as physical tension, frustration, or even illness. 

Similarly, anxiety once served as a survival mechanism, heightening alertness in genuinely dangerous situations. However, in the modern world, this same response often activates inappropriately, leading us to waste precious time and energy worrying about non-life-threatening concerns, even in environments where we are completely safe.  

Unconscious handling of emotions—whether through suppression or indulgence—keeps us trapped in patterns of suffering. The key to breaking free lies in reclaiming conscious control over our emotions. 

Reclaiming Emotional Control 

The first step to reclaiming control is awareness. Becoming conscious of our emotions as they arise allows us to engage with them instead of being overrun. For example, when anxiety surfaces, it’s crucial to dive into it, to feel its physical presence and understand its roots. This might involve realizing, “I’m anxious because I feel socially isolated,” or, “I’m worried about financial challenges.” Once we name and embrace these feelings, they often lose their overwhelming power. 

This process is not about suppressing emotions or indulging them. Both suppression and indulgence are unhelpful extremes. Suppression denies the emotion’s existence, while indulgence allows it to control us. Instead, we can consciously observe and dissect emotions. 

For instance, sadness can be broken into components. If it stems from longing, that longing can be embraced as a deep, authentic desire. On the other hand, sadness mixed with hopelessness needs discernment; we should not feed the hopelessness. By embracing the positive core and discarding the unhelpful parts, we allow emotions to fulfil their adaptive purposes. 

Embracing the Positive Core of Emotions 

In Tantra, the approach to emotions is transformative. Tantra teaches us to extract the essence of every experience and let go of its unnecessary aspects. Emotions, when observed and broken down into their components, reveal a positive core. Fear arises to protect what is valuable. Anger emerges to correct injustices. Sadness can highlight what we truly cherish. 

Through meditation and awareness, we can hold emotions consciously, allowing their wisdom to surface. Instead of fighting the negative elements, we gently set them aside and give life to the positive components. This process, central to emotional healing, creates a harmonious integration of these energies. 

The Origins of Emotional Patterns 

Many emotional patterns are rooted in both innate tendencies and learned behaviours. As children, we unconsciously absorb emotional responses from our surroundings—parents, peers, and cultural norms. For instance, I noticed that my own anger mirrored my father’s: quiet, suppressed, and avoiding confrontation. Over time, these inherited patterns become ingrained, shaping how we respond to life’s challenges. 

These learned behaviours form what we can name the “pseudo-self.” This layer of reactive habits often obscures our authentic essence. Emotional wisdom involves peeling back these layers to reconnect with our true self—the soul or “healthy self”—that generates emotions authentically and in alignment with our deeper values. 

Connecting Emotions to the Body 

The journey to emotional healing starts in the body. Every emotion manifests physically before it becomes a mental concept. For instance, sadness often feels like a weight in the chest or a lump in the throat. Anger may create tension in the jaw or stomach, while fear might resonate in the belly or pelvic area. These bodily sensations are the raw reality of emotions, free from the intellectual filters and narratives we later attach to them. 

When we label emotions with words like “sadness” or “anger,” we risk losing touch with their raw essence. Words are approximations, but the true experience lies in the body’s sensations. By shifting focus from abstract labels to the body’s felt experience, we engage more directly with emotions. This practice—rooted in embodied awareness—helps us transform emotions at their source rather than merely analysing them from a distance. 

Blending Psychology and Spirituality 

For over two decades, I have explored both psychology and spirituality, integrating these disciplines in my teaching and therapeutic work. Silent retreats, where I spent weeks confronting emotions without distractions, have been especially transformative. During these periods of deep introspection, I confronted emotions in their rawest form, learning to navigate them with clarity and compassion. 

People often come to me overwhelmed by emotions they’ve ignored for years. For example, someone struggling with anxiety might describe it as a vague unease. By guiding them to locate the sensation in their body, they connect directly with the emotion. This simple shift often brings profound relief, revealing the “factory” behind their emotions rather than merely addressing the “products” of anxiety, anger, or sadness. 

My Personal Journey 

I’d like to share two personal experiences that highlight my own emotional alchemy: 

Healing Guilt 

For much of my life, guilt was a constant companion. I often felt I wasn’t doing enough or wasn’t good enough. During a winter retreat years ago, I was doing a meditation to heal guilt, over the course of 21 days. One day, after oversleeping and missing part of my practice, I felt a familiar wave of self-recrimination. But as I walked through the snow that evening, I had a realization that came to me in a flash: guilt was my way of motivating self-improvement. However, I didn’t need to punish myself to grow. 

This insight reduced my guilt significantly. While it still appears occasionally in other areas, the clarity of that moment transformed my relationship with it. I learned to embrace the constructive aspect of guilt while discarding its punitive elements. 

Confronting Anger 

Anger was another emotion I struggled with for years. Suppressed anger manifested physically as ulcers and emotionally as frustration. Through therapy and self-reflection, I learned to recognize and express my anger healthily. 

I discovered that much of my anger stemmed from self-importance—the belief that my goals were more significant than others’. By addressing this underlying egoism, I gradually released my anger. Over time, the ulcers healed, and my relationships improved. The process took years and remains ongoing, but it has profoundly shifted my inner landscape. 

Masculine and Feminine Dynamics in Emotional Wisdom 

Emotions often play out differently in men and women due to biological and cultural influences. Men, conditioned to suppress emotions, may struggle to connect with their emotional depth. While suppression can be helpful in crises, it becomes harmful when it blocks intimacy and self-awareness. 

Women, on the other hand, often experience emotions more intensely. This heightened sensitivity is a gift but can lead to overwhelm or manipulation if not balanced with responsibility. 

In relationships, these dynamics can complement each other. Men can offer detachment and clarity, while women can teach sensitivity and depth. Recognizing these differences fosters mutual growth and understanding. 

The Transformative Power of Suffering 

Suffering, when approached with awareness, holds immense transformative power. Emotional pain is not something to avoid or suppress—it is a gateway to growth. By sitting with our suffering without judgment, we allow it to unfold and reveal its wisdom. 

For example, many spiritual practitioners embrace intense practices, such as meditating in extreme conditions, to transform their relationship with discomfort. While most of us do not need such extremes, the principle remains the same: embracing pain fosters resilience and inner strength. 

Conclusion 

Becoming emotionally wiser is a journey of awareness, acceptance, and transformation. By embracing the positive core of emotions and releasing their destructive elements, we align with our authentic selves. This journey, while challenging, opens the door to deeper intimacy, freedom, and joy. 

Through practices such as meditation, therapy, and embodied awareness, we can transform our emotional lives, unlocking the wisdom within. In doing so, emotions become our allies—guiding us toward growth, healing, and a fuller experience of life. 

Bridging Biology & Tantra – Part 3

25 February 2025
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This blog is about: 

  • Relationship 
  • Self-awareness 
  • Modern dating 
  • Cuddling & physical touch
  • Romance 
  • Female friendships 
  • Honeymoon period 
  • Biology   

Tantric Perspective on Relationships: Integrating Depth and Freedom 

From a Tantric viewpoint, Maria and Foca discuss the balance between the need for depth and connection in relationships, and the human desire for novelty and adventure. Maria emphasizes the importance of self-awareness and honesty within relationships, allowing space for both partners to express their needs, whether that involves monogamy, polygamy, or open relationships. For her, the key is recognizing that one size does not fit all; relationships should be approached with flexibility, growth, and an openness to unconventional solutions. 

Foca expands on this idea, highlighting that the seeming contradiction between certainty and adventure in relationships can actually be complementary. He speaks about “existential certitude”—a deep inner confidence that allows individuals to embrace the unpredictable, adventurous nature of relationships while maintaining an emotional anchor within themselves. 

The Role of Hormones in Shaping Relationships and Conformity 

The conversation also turns toward the influence of hormones, with Dr. Yakir explaining how testosterone and oxytocin shape different aspects of human behaviour and relationships. Testosterone drives competition, aggression, and control in men, while oxytocin fosters attachment and conformity. The latter plays a role in ensuring social harmony, particularly in adolescence, when individuals feel a strong pull to conform to group norms. 

Maria also shares personal insights into how hormones and emotional triggers, such as jealousy, can be rewired through self-awareness and tantric practices. This idea of mastery over emotions, rather than being controlled by them, aligns with the tantric philosophy of growth and self-realization. 

Exploring Infidelity and Biological Strategies 

Dr. Yakir offers a biological explanation for infidelity, noting that in many monogamous species, including humans, cheating is common. She references studies on animals like swans and penguins, where infidelity serves to diversify genetic investment, ensuring a broader gene pool for offspring. For men, this biological uncertainty of fatherhood has historically led to the desire to control women, ensuring that their genes are passed down. She ties this back to cultural taboos and societal norms, which have disproportionately punished women for infidelity throughout history. 

The Impact of Modern Dating and Hormonal Manipulation 

The panel also touches on how modern technology, particularly dating apps, disrupts natural human mating instincts. Dr. Yakir criticizes dating apps for commodifying human relationships, focusing too much on physical attributes like height or appearance, which appeal to primal fertility cues but often ignore deeper emotional or personal qualities. She also reflects on the impact of contraceptive pills on female attraction, explaining how hormonal birth control can dull women’s attraction to potential partners by interfering with natural pheromonal signals. 

Exploring Connection: The Power of Physical Affection 

The panel discussion continues with a question about the importance of physical closeness, particularly cuddling, in relationships. Maria responds by affirming the significance of touch, noting that for many people, their partner may be the only source of physical intimacy in their daily lives. This makes activities like cuddling essential for fulfilling a fundamental human need for connection. However, she expands the idea by suggesting that affectionate touch doesn’t have to be limited to romantic partners—it can come from friends and family as well. Maria encourages a culture of more open affection in social circles to meet this human need beyond romantic relationships. 

The Healing Power of Female Friendships 

Dr. Yakir introduces the importance of female friendships, drawing on research that shows how close connections between women contribute to their happiness, health, and longevity. She connects this to biological patterns observed in nature, where female apes, for example, form supportive groups. This tendency, she explains, is backed by the hormone oxytocin, which plays a role in creating feelings of bonding and trust. She emphasizes how this phenomenon is crucial for women’s well-being and contrasts it with the differing needs of men, highlighting how men tend to focus more on themselves, which leads to challenges in male-female communication and understanding within long-term relationships. 

Addressing Differences Between Men and Women 

She continues by discussing the different ways men and women perceive themselves, using the example of a survey showing that only 2% of women consider themselves beautiful, compared to 40% of men. This striking difference, she explains, impacts the dynamics in relationships, with women often needing reassurance from their partners that they are attractive and valued. However, many men are unaware of this need because they don’t struggle with self-image in the same way. Foca steps in, agreeing that men are often uneducated in understanding these emotional nuances. He emphasizes the importance of men growing and evolving to better appreciate and support the unique qualities of women, proposing that societal happiness is linked to the flourishing of women, which in turn requires conscious effort from men. 

Prolonging the Honeymoon Period: The Balance of Distance and Intimacy 

The discussion then shifts to a question about how to prolong the honeymoon period in a relationship. Dr. Yakir explains that maintaining a degree of individuality and mystery is key to keeping the spark alive. She notes that the natural inclination to domesticate or control one another in relationships can lead to predictability, which diminishes excitement. To counter this, she suggests that couples should embrace the idea of remaining “strangers” to each other to some extent, preserving their individuality to maintain attraction over time. 

Maria elaborates on this idea, warning against the confusion between familiarity and intimacy. She explains that while familiarity can lead to boredom, true intimacy is about maintaining a deep emotional connection that is not dependent on knowing everything about the other person. By keeping an element of mystery and continually discovering new aspects of the partner, couples can sustain the initial thrill of being in love. She stresses that it’s important to cultivate behaviours that keep the relationship fresh and exciting, rather than falling into routines that dull the connection. 

Growth and Self-Discovery in Relationships 

Foca discusses the importance of continuous personal growth in relationships. He explains that as individuals evolve, they reveal new aspects of themselves, which can keep the relationship dynamic and engaging. He emphasizes that romantic partners can be instrumental in each other’s journey of self-discovery, helping to unlock deeper parts of themselves. He describes this as a transformative process, where couples discover not only each other but also their own potential for love and happiness through the relationship. By valuing the role their partner plays in their personal growth, couples can deepen their connection and sustain the feelings of love and fulfilment. 

In closing, this rich dialogue between biology and Tantra illuminates the profound ways our bodies, emotions, and relationships are intertwined. By exploring love through both scientific and spiritual lenses, the panellists offer a holistic view of human connection, emphasizing the importance of self-awareness, emotional resilience, and open communication. Whether addressing the hormonal roots of attraction, the challenges of long-term relationships, or the transformative potential of tantric practices, the discussion encourages a deeper understanding of ourselves and our partners. Ultimately, bridging biology with Tantra empowers individuals to transcend mere biological impulses, fostering relationships that are both passionate and enduring. 

Bridging Biology & Tantra – Part 2

21 January 2025
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This blog is about: 

  • Love 
  • Intimacy 
  • Oxytocin, serotonin, dopamine 
  • Porn and its’ misconceptions 
  • The Coolidge Effect 
  • Monogamy & Polygamy  

The Role of Hormones and Stress in Love and Sexuality 

The host, Vivienne, then raises the question of how hormones, while integral to our emotions and sexual desires, can often feel like they are working against us. Dr. Yakir highlights the key enemy of love and intimacy: stress. Stress hormones, such as cortisol, disrupt the production of “love hormones” like oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin, causing emotional imbalance and affecting intimacy. Stress, she explains, is a survival mechanism deeply rooted in the human brain, particularly in the prefrontal cortex, which constantly predicts negative future outcomes as a way of safeguarding survival. Unlike animals, humans suffer from stress over events that haven’t happened yet, often sabotaging their own happiness. Meditation and mindfulness can help mitigate this issue by helping us stay present and reduce stress levels. 

Stress also negatively impacts sexual desire. She draws an analogy to animals in nature, where sexual activity is a quick act for males due to the constant threat of predators or rivals. In contrast, tantric practices aim to transcend this biological impulse by teaching men to extend lovemaking for longer periods, beyond the typical two or three minutes, to hours. This not only enhances intimacy but also creates a deeper connection beyond just physical desire. 

Transcending Biological Impulses Through Tantra 

Foca expands on the biological limitations men face during sex, especially the diminished activity in the prefrontal cortex as they approach ejaculation. In Tantra, he explains, the goal is to overcome these limitations through conscious control, which allows men to prolong their lovemaking and enhance their partner’s pleasure. He emphasizes that while biology may initially drive sexual behaviour, understanding and mastering these impulses through tantric practices can lead to deeper, more fulfilling sexual experiences. 

Dr. Yakir adds that men who learn to relax and control their stress response can better foster intimacy. A man’s ability to help his partner relax, often through humour or tenderness, is key to creating an environment where both can enjoy and prolong sexual intimacy. 

The Problem with Porn and Misconceptions About Sex 

Dr. Yakir also addresses the dangers of pornography, particularly its impact on the male brain. Porn hijacks the brain’s reward system by flooding it with dopamine and testosterone, mimicking the effects of addictive substances like cocaine. This can result in a distorted view of sexuality, reducing the focus on bonding and connection and making sex more about immediate gratification rather than long-term intimacy. 

She also criticized the common misconception that sex is solely about penetration, which undermines the role of oxytocin—the “bonding hormone” that is vital for long-term intimacy. Without this, sexual relationships often fizzle out after the initial excitement, and sex becomes a mere obligation, especially in long-term relationships. 

The Coolidge Effect: The Decline of Sexual Attraction in Long-Term Relationships 

The discussion then turns to the previously-mentioned Coolidge effect, which explains the biological phenomenon where sexual attraction to the same partner diminishes over time. Dr. Yakir shares the results of studies on the Coolidge effect in mice, where male mice become less interested in mating with the same female but are rejuvenated when presented with new females. This biological tendency also exists in humans, contributing to infidelity and the decline of sexual desire in long-term relationships. Visual stimuli, such as new faces, trigger the same dopamine response in humans, explaining why many couples experience decreased sexual satisfaction over time. 

Maria finds this revelation surprisingly optimistic, as it underscores the need for awareness in relationships. By recognizing that this phenomenon is biological, couples can work towards solutions rather than blaming themselves or their partners. In tantric practices, the focus shifts from instinctual sex to the experience of “eros,” where intimacy transcends biology and opens the door to multi-dimensional experiences. This shift can help couples escape the monotony of routine sex and explore new depths of intimacy and connection. 

Monogamy, Polyamory, and the Role of Spiritual Love 

Foca speaks about how Tantra and yogic traditions can help individuals transcend the biological impulse for novelty by emphasizing spiritual love. Understanding biology helps, but transcending it—by embracing spiritual practices—leads to a fuller, richer experience of love and intimacy. By engaging with partners on a deeper, more spiritual level, individuals can create a relationship that continues to grow and evolve rather than stagnating over time. 

Dr. Yakir points out that even in committed monogamous relationships, individuals benefit from maintaining friendships with people of the opposite sex. These friendships provide a healthy balance and help individuals retain their sense of self, preventing the partner from becoming the sole source of emotional energy in a relationship. 

The Importance of Awareness and Emotional Resilience 

Maria emphasizes that, particularly for women, becoming aware of their hormonal cycles can bring much-needed clarity. For instance, recognizing that certain emotional shifts may be hormonally driven allows women to step back and reassess their feelings instead of immediately blaming themselves or their partners. She notes that this kind of awareness can also help couples navigate the inevitable ups and downs in long-term relationships. 

Dr. Yakir agrees, explaining how the Coolidge effect can make people question their feelings for their partner. Many interpret a decrease in attraction as a sign that love has ended, leading to resentment, stress, and guilt. However, understanding that this is a natural biological process allows couples to approach these challenges with greater emotional resilience and understanding. 

The Role of Play and Tension in Maintaining Attraction 

To counter the effects of the Coolidge phenomenon, Dr. Yakir suggests that couples should consciously maintain a sense of play and tension in their relationships. Relationships, she argues, thrive on a delicate balance of security and excitement. When one partner becomes too complacent or submissive, attraction often wanes. Healthy competition, flirtation, and even a touch of jealousy can reignite sexual desire and prevent the relationship from becoming stagnant. 

Foca added a perspective from the Kama Sutra, advising men never to assume they have “conquered” their partner. Constant effort and attention are required to keep the relationship dynamic and passionate, which aligns with the Tantric view of continuously deepening intimacy rather than settling into routine. 

The Biological Roots of Monogamy and Polygamy 

Dr. Yakir offers a biologically driven perspective, stating that humans are not inherently monogamous. From an evolutionary standpoint, males compete for females, with polygamous tendencies being reflected in human biology—such as larger testicles in relation to body size, indicating sperm competition. She explains that while social structures have adopted monogamy, particularly influenced by the Romans, biologically speaking, polygamy has been a natural system for humans. 

However, she acknowledges that despite these biological impulses, monogamy has become a social necessity due to the deep human need for attachment and stability. Monogamous relationships foster emotional bonds that are essential for long-term health, happiness, and support, which is why, despite our biological leanings, monogamy has persisted for so long.  

Bridging Biology & Tantra – Part 1

17 December 2024
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This blog is about: 

  • Hormones 
  • Relationships 
  • Human emotions 
  • Spiritual evolution 
  • Intimacy & Sex 
  • Ejaculation & Orgasm 
  • Attraction 

In this lively and insightful panel discussion, the intricate dance between biology and Tantra in shaping human emotions, relationships, and sexual experiences takes centre stage. Moderated by host Vivienne Rush, the panellists—Dr. Liat Yakir, Maria Porsfelt, and Foca Yariv—bring unique perspectives that interweave science and spiritual practice, shedding light on the biological mechanisms of love, the mysteries of human emotions, and the transformative potential of Tantra. 

The Biological Foundations of Love 

The conversation kicks off with Dr. Yakir, a biologist specializing in genetics and the author of A Brief History of Love, explaining her motivation for writing the book. She describes a personal and scientific journey, motivated by her own life experiences and the desire to understand the underlying biological mechanisms of human emotions, especially love. Dr. Yakir candidly admits that her own relationships, including two divorces, spurred her curiosity about what drives human attraction, attachment, and eventual emotional challenges. 

According to Dr. Yakir, love is more than just a feeling—it’s deeply embedded in our biology. “We need love, we need these hormones that are secreted when we are having full attachment and fulfilling relationships with others,” she explains. Her research delves into how the brain’s chemistry—particularly the role of hormones such as dopamine, serotonin, and adrenaline—fuels the initial euphoric stages of love. However, over time, this initial magic fades, revealing a predictable pattern that can lead to disillusionment and discomfort in long-term relationships. Dr. Yakir emphasizes that understanding these biological processes can help people manage the challenges that naturally arise in relationships, rather than allowing them to be controlled by unconscious drives. 

The Role of Hormones and Challenges of Monogamy 

In discussing her own experiences and broader biological trends, Dr. Yakir notes that monogamy is not a natural state for most species on Earth, including humans. She reflects on how many couples, especially after having children, face significant relationship challenges, often falling into routine patterns where sex and emotional intimacy deteriorate. “It’s encrypted in our biology to feel less attraction to the same person over time and to be attracted to another person,” she explains, offering the audience a glimpse into what is known as the “Coolidge effect”—the biological drive to seek new partners. 

Dr. Yakir suggests that the key to more fulfilling, long-term relationships is awareness. Understanding how biology influences behaviour can prevent individuals from falling into unconscious patterns that lead to heartbreak, guilt, and emotional pain. Her goal, as both a biologist and educator, is to help others recognize these patterns and actively work to preserve the connection in their relationships. 

Tantra as a Solution: The Intersection with Biology 

As the discussion shifts toward Tantra, the host invites Foca Yariv, a Tantra teacher, to share his perspective on how this ancient practice might offer solutions to the challenges outlined by Dr. Yakir. Foca explains that his interest in Dr. Yakir’s book was piqued when he read her mention of Tantra as a possible solution for sustaining relationships over time. He contacted Dr. Yakir, and the two began a conversation about how Tantra transcends some of the biological limitations that can strain relationships, particularly regarding male ejaculation. 

One of the key points of their discussion was the biological drive for men to ejaculate every three or four days, a mechanism that Dr. Yakir mentioned in her book. Foca, however, presents Tantra as a practice that allows men to control and delay ejaculation, a skill that he believes can transform relationships by sustaining energy and desire between partners. “I completely agree that might be the biology,” he says, “but Tantra has solutions that transcend biology.” 

Dr. Yakir acknowledges the significance of this point, admitting that scientific research often conflates ejaculation and orgasm in men, making it difficult to isolate the effects of each on the male reproductive system. This lack of research highlights a gap in understanding that Tantra might help fill, offering men and women alternative ways to experience intimacy that move beyond the limitations of biology. 

Orgasms and Well-being 

When the conversation turns to the role of orgasms in overall well-being, Dr. Yakir stresses the profound effects that orgasms have on both men and women. For men, she notes that 21 orgasms per month is a general recommendation, as it benefits the prostate and reproductive system. When asked about women, she enthusiastically responds, “As many as possible!” pointing out that sexual activity and orgasms have been shown to ease the transition into menopause for women and improve long-term health outcomes. 

However, the conversation also highlights the gender disparities in orgasm research, with Dr. Yakir noting that female sexuality remains understudied. Despite this, she emphasizes the importance of orgasms for women, not just for reproductive purposes but for overall mental and emotional well-being. “We get a lot of good chemicals in this pharmacy in our head during orgasm,” she says, referencing the release of endorphins and other feel-good chemicals that contribute to a sense of connection and fulfilment. 

Harmonizing the Female Cycle through Tantra 

Maria Porsfelt, a Tantra teacher, offers a reflection on her own experience of reading Dr. Yakir’s book, and how it has influenced her understanding of women’s hormones. She highlights the monthly cycle’s significant effect on women’s emotions and physical state, noting that women often feel like “four different women” in the span of a month due to hormonal fluctuations. Maria explains how Tantra for women focuses on harmonizing this cycle, with particular attention on practices that alleviate discomfort and pain. 

Maria shares that from a tantric perspective, sexual energy can be modulated during lovemaking, potentially leading to a smoother menstrual cycle. She suggests that regular orgasms can energetically harmonize women’s bodies, reducing discomfort. This notion links physical experiences with spiritual practices, presenting a holistic view of how energy and hormones interact in women’s bodies. 

Rekindling Connection in Long-Term Relationships 

Continuing the conversation, Maria touches on a key theme from Dr. Yakir’s book: how couples, initially bonded by strong hormonal responses, can grow apart over time if they do not actively maintain their connection. She observes that couples often end up like “strangers” after several years, despite starting off deeply in love. This disconnection can be avoided if couples cultivate the behaviours and attitudes that originally bonded them. 

According to Maria, Tantra teaches practices that help rekindle the initial attraction and love. By recreating the behaviours from the beginning of a relationship, such as attentiveness and affection, couples can reignite their bond, thereby re-triggering the hormonal responses that made them fall in love. Foca agrees, adding that men can also benefit from returning to early relationship behaviours like giving flowers and being more romantic. He explains that these actions can stimulate feelings of manliness and affection, reviving passion in the relationship. 

The Biological Roots of Love and Connection 

Dr. Yakir expands on the biological mechanisms behind love, describing how emotions are driven by the release of hormones and neurotransmitters. Emotions, she notes, are “energy in motion,” designed to trigger behaviours. She explains that the key chemicals involved in love—dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin—each serve different roles. Dopamine drives desire for new experiences, serotonin fosters contentment with what we already have, and oxytocin builds bonds through physical touch and emotional sharing. 

Importantly, She clarifies that love is often confused with infatuation, the early stage of attraction fuelled by high dopamine levels. This is why the early phase of a relationship feels so exhilarating. However, as relationships progress, dopamine levels decrease, and the challenge becomes sustaining connection through oxytocin-driven bonding behaviours. She emphasizes that this bonding process requires time, touch, and emotional support, and cautions against rushing into sexual intimacy before these bonds are established. 

Attraction and Hormonal Imprinting 

The conversation takes an interesting turn when the host remarks on her tendency to be attracted to men who resemble her father, prompting Dr. Yakir to explain the concept of “imprinting.” According to her, early caregivers strongly influence our future romantic choices. This is because the brain seeks familiarity, which feels safe and predictable. Consequently, many people subconsciously choose partners who resemble their parents or even siblings in appearance or personality traits. This is not necessarily an indication of compatibility but rather a result of the brain’s preference for certainty and predictability over the unknown. 

Dr. Yakir uses examples from the animal kingdom, as well as human psychology, to illustrate how imprinting shapes attraction. She explains that this biological drive toward familiarity often results in recurring patterns in relationships, where people find themselves repeatedly drawn to similar types of partners. 

Respecting the Orgasm and Deepening Love 

In response to the host’s inquiry about respecting the orgasm, Foca and Maria share their thoughts on the spiritual and emotional significance of this experience. Foca elaborates on how yoga and tantric practices can help control hormonal levels and increase self-awareness. Specific postures, like the Cobra pose, can stimulate emotions such as love and affection by activating the endocrine system. For Foca, these practices tap into universal energy, suggesting that love is not merely an emotion but a foundational force in creation. 

Maria offers a different perspective, asserting that while men’s orgasms tend to be more about dopamine-driven pleasure, women’s orgasms are far more complex. For women, the experience often requires a deeper emotional and spiritual connection. She believes that women need more than just physical attraction; they need to feel a range of subtle interactions to experience a fulfilling orgasm. This complexity may explain why women often connect with others on deeper emotional levels, even with people they are not sexually attracted to. Maria’s perspective provides a counterpoint to Dr. Yakir’s more biologically-driven view, suggesting that there is a soul element involved in attraction and love. 

Inner Spiritual Experience Vs Dogma

17 December 2024

How to avoid dogma in spirituality!

This podcast is about:

  • Spiritual experiences
  • Development
  • Spiritual teachers
  • Feedback
  • Values & Universal Principles
  • Responsibility 

Despite a very clear initial direction, a spiritual school or religion may find itself swerving from its intended path as it grows. Some religions have become big and / or profitable, and prone to control by powerbrokers or authoritarian, political figures, and mired in dogma, the teachings dry and mechanical. So how can a teacher or a school be certain that a correction in its course is needed? Or that a genuine spiritual message, compelling them in a new direction, has been correctly received?

In this podcast, Uriel Yariv, Tantra teacher from Mahasiddha Yoga School in Thailand, describes to student Vivienne Rush how one way for a spiritual school to remain free from dogma is for teachers and students to authenticate the teachings by taking responsibility for heart-felt practice, and for the truth of their inner spiritual experiences.

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Spiritual Community: Why do we need it on the path? What is it like to be a part of one?

03 December 2024

This podcast is about:

  • Common interests 
  • Spiritual Aspiration 
  • Unity 
  • Support for spiritual growth 
  • Values 
  • Love and compassion 
  • Sharing gifts & talents 

Social interaction is essential to every aspect of our being. As we develop spiritually through our studies and practices, we may look for companions to share experiences with. We can be inspired by others in many different ways, and a community of people working on their spiritual growth is like a hall of mirrors reflecting us back to ourselves. As teacher Morgan Arundel tells student Vivienne Rush, in an atmosphere of kindness and positive regard, we can choose without fear to grow into our authentic selves.

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If you’re interested to dive deeper into topics like this, you are invited to join our courses, or check out our upcoming events to explore more!

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Educate Yourself in Eros!

01 November 2024

This podcast is about… 

  • Sex education & Genuine Erotic education 
  • Idealisation of the Feminine 
  • Lack of fulfillment 
  • Sacred texts for fulfilment in life 
  • Self-development 
  • The result of working with erotic energies 
  • Accessing latent talents 
  • Becoming the best possible man

There is a yawning gap in the education of men and women around their understanding of the erotic potential, and the opportunity that this potential brings for profound happiness and fulfilment in life. In this podcast, teacher Foca Yariv explains how Tantra fills that gap and why the need for erotic education is now urgent. 

Listen on Spotify

Listen on YouTube

If you’re interested to dive deeper into topics like this, you are invited to join our courses, or check out our upcoming events to explore more!

Subscribe now to our Spotify and YouTube channel to know when we upload a new podcast episode!

A Men’s Guide to Ecstatic Lovemaking & Life

04 October 2024
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This blog is about: 

  • Control of energies 
  • Love and Intimacy in the relationship 
  • Non-ejaculation 
  • Modern Sexuality 
  • Tantric lovemaking 
  • Deeper connection

In today’s fast-paced world, love and intimacy are often misunderstood or rushed, leaving many unsatisfied with their relationships and their own sense of fulfilment. Tantra delves into the powerful practice of Erotic Amorous Continence, which promises deeper connection, self-awareness, and lasting passion in relationships. In this article, I will share its profound impact on personal well-being and the dynamics of romantic relationships, and also reveal Tantric perspectives on masculinity.  

The Essence of Eros: Beyond Just Sex  

Tantra emphasizes that eros is not simply another term for sex. Rather, eros represents a deeper, more poetic way of living that transcends the act of physical intimacy. According to Tantra, there is a creative energy within each of us that can either be expressed through a superficial, objectifying form of sex, or in a way that leads us toward a greater sense of oneness and deeper love.  

Eros is about integrating our creative potential and desires in a way that exalts the spirit. While sex, as it’s commonly understood, may control us and diminish our energy, eros involves an intentional, soulful expression of love and connection. This distinction, is like the difference between sugar and honey: both are sweet to the tooth but the former is destructive while the latter nourishes.  

Eros vs. Platonic Love: Misunderstood Concepts  

We can draw on ancient philosophical debates, notably from Socrates and Plato, to highlight the concept of platonic love. Contrary to popular belief, platonic love is not about avoiding physical contact or suppressing desire but rather about not letting that sexual energy degrade the spirit diminish intimacy and the naturalness of love. In essence Platonic love can involve an intensely erotic relationship, but one that elevates the connection between two individuals, rather than reducing it to mere physical satisfaction.  

I have spent two decades teaching these principles, noting that while women are often more intuitively connected to the erotic experience, men typically require a significant reconfiguration of how they relate to love and intimacy. Men often struggle to bridge the gap between their everyday emotions and their intimate relationships, frequently reporting feelings of insecurity or frustration in the bedroom.  

Taboos and Instincts in intimacy  

Many of our challenges in love and intimacy stem from societal taboos and inherited instincts. Tantra argues that taboos, while originally intended to protect people from harmful behaviours, often prevent us from exploring and understanding the beneficial aspects of our desires and deeper needs.  

These taboos create inner tensions. Instead of learning why certain desires exist, we simply forbid them, which results in frustration and superficiality and in extreme cases perversity and porn addiction. Tantra advocates for a more thoughtful approach, one that involves re-educating ourselves about our desires and learning how to align them with our deeper emotional and spiritual needs.  

The Journey to Discovering Eros  

According to Tantra, understanding our longing for erotic fulfilment begins with self-inquiry. When we look deep within, we can identify a longing for fulfilment.  

However, this fulfilment is not achieved through instinctual, rushed actions. Instead, it requires a deeper exploration of what truly satisfies us. Often, the shallow satisfaction of quick, instinct-driven behaviours leaves us feeling unfulfilled and sad.  

Here we can stress that many barriers to experiencing authentic erotic fulfilment are self-inflicted and shaped by societal conditioning, particularly the influence of pornography. Tantra advises individuals to move beyond societal expectations and focus on what truly fulfils them on a personal level. Beyond the norm, there is a longing in the heart, and Tantra invites us to listen to the calling of the heart.  

Overcoming Inhibitions and Rediscovering our True Selves  

Inhibitions, like taboos, are protective mechanisms we create, but they often prevent us from truly connecting with our own desires. The example of nudity can be used to illustrate this: while we shower naked, many people are uncomfortable swimming in the ocean without clothes, or even being naked with the lights on with their beloved. These inhibitions distance us from our true selves, leading to anxiety, superficiality and frustration.  

Tantra likens the common state of modern sexuality to constant hunger, saying, “imagine that you are always hungry but you don’t know what food you’re hungry for. So you’re constantly hungry for something, but you don’t know what will fulfil you”. That’s very much the world of sexuality nowadays. Everybody is looking for something to fulfil them and nobody can find it. This frustration, compounded by the influence of societal norms, is like trying to quench our thirst with salty water, and keeps many people from experiencing true erotic fulfilment.  

Techniques for Erotic Amorous Continence  

Erotic Amorous Continence, a practice rooted in Tantra, involves controlling the creative energy and prolonging the act of love without ejaculation having multiple orgasms. This practice not only enhances physical pleasure, but also nurtures a deeper emotional and spiritual connection between partners.  

My journey began at 17, when my brother introduced me to Tantra, and it took me years of trial and error to master the technique. More than 20 years later, I am still constantly learning and aiming to improve. Through self-discipline, meditation, and (a lot of) practice, I learned how to savour the ecstatic experience of intimacy without the loss of energy that follows ejaculation. This experience was a turning point that propelled me toward self-mastery and transformed my approach to love and intimacy.  

The Shift of Losing the Energies  

During workshops, courses and coaching, I often observe how men nod and smile in agreement when discussing how, before ejaculation, men are energetic, charming, and highly motivated, but after ejaculation, there’s a noticeable decline in enthusiasm. Men often feel an instinctual need to retreat, which can leave their partners feeling rejected and disconnected. This moment of emotional and physical separation can be difficult for both partners, creating frustration that is rarely addressed openly.  

For men, this shift often comes with a sense of failure. They feel they haven’t fully satisfied their partner, leading to a subtle undercurrent of disappointment in both the man and the woman. This sense of failure arises from the deep contrast between how a man feels just before and immediately after ejaculation—a stark hormonal shift that is natural but not always understood or discussed.  

How Women Can Support Men  

For men looking to overcome this instinctual withdrawal, Erotic Amorous Continence offers a solution. This practice, rooted in yogic and tantric traditions, involves learning how to retain the creative potential without ejaculation while fully engaging erotically, allowing both partners to maintain connection and intimacy. Women play a vital role in supporting men on this journey, but the approach is key. Instead of pushing or pressuring, what I found most helpful is when women are encouraging, and become an inspiration – offering playful charm, patience, and focus on mutual growth.  

As an easy analogy, imagine an elephant being guided by someone holding a small handful of grass in front of it: it’s not about manipulation but about providing gentle encouragement.  

Many women try to ‘push’ the men, imposing their wishes on them, which often leads to mutual frustration.  

By staying patient and embodying love, tenderness, and softness, a woman helps the man stay alive, transforming and full of aspiration. At the same time, it’s important  that, in moments of relapse, women focusing on their own process of evolution and growth can lovingly hold space for improvement rather than accepting the lack of fulfilment erotically  as inevitable.

If you wish to dive deeper into the Art of Erotic Amorous Continence, join our fortnightly short course for men: Awaken the Hero, short course for women: Discover the Goddess, or our weekly Tantra course.

49 Ways to Connect with your Guardian Angel

02 October 2024

All of us have a guardian angel – but do we all believe that we do? If you believe and you would like to know how to awaken and deepen your relationship with your Angel, your communion with them, here are some suggestions.

1. Intention.
To connect with your guardian angel it is firstly important to wish to have this connection. Setting a clear and firm intention that is full of love and faith will help you to connect with your guardian angel

2. It is often easier for your guardian angel to reach you through dreams. Recording your dreams will help you to remember them. Before going to sleep, ask your guardian angel to help you to feel its presence in your dreams

3. Ask Ask Ask. Asking is a fundamental requirement to connect with your guardian angel. Angels respect our free will, so asking is fundamental to feeling the presence, help, advice, protection and guidance of your guardian angel

4. After you ask, it is important to allow yourself to feel and experience the answer

5. Gratitude – aim to cultivate gratitude as often as possible

6. Reach out to your guardian angel. If you don’t know the name of your guardian angel, simply call him or her, ‘My Guardian Angel’

7. Your guardian angel knows you deeply. You can ask your guardian angel to embrace you and to help you to feel this embrace. Doing this regularly will amplify your relationship with him or her

8. Bless your guardian angel

9. Become as pure as a child

10. Create a special “language” of communication. Notice the signs, so that when you see them you will feel that your guardian angel is there

11. Open your heart

12. Be kind

13. Cultivate sublime arts

14. Playfulness

15. Recognise when people act or behave like angels

16. Pray. You can use prayers that already exist, such as the Guardian Angel Prayer, or a prayer that you create with your own words. One well known prayer is:

Angel of God, my guardian dear,
to whom God’s love commits me here,
ever this day or night be at my side,
to light and guard, to rule and guide. Amen.

17. Be attentive. Be aware of everything that takes place around you, such as meaningful synchronicities, what people say to you. Angels act through and are present in synchronicities
18. Be aware of everything that is within you. Become aware of inspiring thoughts or inspiring emotions

19. Awaken your spiritual intuition

20. Practise meditation of communion with your guardian angel

21. Practise meditation of communion with the godly attributes. Godly attributes are godly energies in which the frequency of vibration never modifies. By meditating and abundantly attracting in your Universe many or at least one of these godly attributes, you will open your being to feel closer to the angelic realms of light. Godly attributes such as the Godly Attribute of Godly Love, Harmony, Peace, Generosity, Beauty, Happiness, Kindness, Strength, Wisdom, and so on, will help you to connect to these pure energies and to your guardian angel

21. Nature brings us closer to ourselves and the angelic realms. Aim to connect with your guardian angel while in natural surroundings

22. Practice purification – both inner and outer

23. Using orange essential oil can help you in connecting with your guardian angel

24. Use the crystal Lapis Lazuli

23. Create an altar for your guardian angel. A visual reference with pictures, crystals, flowers and little offerings will assist you in remembering the presence of your guardian angel. An altar also creates a beautiful and special place that will help you to strongly feel the presence of your guardian angel as soon as you sit near it, until you feel his or her presence everywhere and all the time.

24. Any angel can be evoked at any time, including your guardian angel, and your guardian angel can help you to connect with any other angel, archangel or angelic being of light. To evoke merely means to ask. Ask your guardian angel to be with you, to protect, guide, to help and advise, to inspire, to bring clarity, harmony and solutions for you, for members of your family, your beloved, your friends, planet Earth. Evoke your guardian angel by centring in your heart.

25. Being relaxed helps you to connect with your guardian angel

26. Being silent assists you to connect with your guardian angel

27. Watch inspiring movies with an angelic theme

28. Have angelic images and sculptures close to you

29. Listen to sublime music

30. Read inspiring books with an angelic theme

31. Use angelic cards for divination to help you to perceive messages from your guardian angel. After asking a question and asking for guidance, draw a card and take note of its message

32. Create your own set of angelic cards

33. Call upon your guardian angel to feel his or her presence more and more

34. Use angelic techniques in spiritual books to help you to connect with your guardian angel

35. Join a group that has the intention of deepening communion with angels and archangels of light

36. Practise yoga to awaken and harmonise your body and being

37. Ask your guardian angel to be with you in your everyday life, not only in moments of need, but also simply when you go for a walk, when you eat, when you meet someone

38. Offer your time, talents and possessions selflessly and altruistically, without expecting anything in return

39. Recognise signs – numbers, synchronicity, dreams, clouds, hearts, white bright light, feathers

40. Remember – use different reminders to help you to remember to connect with your guardian angel, such as a screensaver with an angelic image, an angelic song for a ring tone

41. Smiling and laughter

42. Listening to, reading or viewing stories of others who have had experiences of connecting with their guardian angel

43. Breathe to connect with your guardian angel

44. Embrace consciously

45. Practise creativity in any form, drawing, dancing, singing, painting etc

46. Write a letter to your guardian angel

47. Become a godly channel

48. See everyone and everything as their best version of themselves. Cultivate a transfigured attitude towards life

49. Cultivate faith and trust

If you are wondering when a good or bad time would be to connect with your guardian angel, the best time to connect with him or her is all the time, here and now. There are 49 ways to connect to them above, but there are many more! Where there is the will there is a way…

We warmly invite you to Angels and Archangels week, which we hold every year at the end of October – beginning of November. During this angelic celebration we will bring the reality of the angels and archangels of light alive in our hearts through meditation, artistic expression, workshops and other activities. All activities related to the week are completely free, with donations welcome.

Find out more about the next Angels and Archangels Week!

The Importance of Keeping Your Inner Child Alive

07 June 2024

As life unfolds, it passes through different stages – the different phases that we all pass through in a regular lifetime. We can consider the stages of life from the perspective of four distinct phases: childhood, adolescence, adulthood, and old age. Each with their specific characteristics, interests and accomplishments.

The stages are not only characterised by outer circumstances, but rather they define an inner process – the lessons and experiences our soul needs to pass through in our lifetime. These lessons may or may not unfold in a linear fashion – sometimes we only fully learn the lessons specific to childhood much later in our life!

In this short presentation, teacher, Eleni explores the amazing qualities of children, and the importance of keeping our inner child alive – no matter our age! Eleni presents the impact that our connection with, and nourishing of, our inner child has in our everyday life, as well as some ways to reconnect with it.

This short talk was given by Kashmir Shaivism teacher Eleni Anats, who will be one of the teachers at this year’s Summer Yoga Retreat in which we will explore the Journey of the Soul from many perspectives! Join this retreat to dive deeper into this topic!